Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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