Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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