is your mom at the bar?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
