My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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