so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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