so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
