I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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