did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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