Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
