She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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