Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
