wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
