You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
