There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
