I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
