i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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