I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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