you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
