It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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