Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
