Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
