Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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