my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
