Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
