Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
