i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
