Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
