Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
