Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
