found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
