Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
