doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
