Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
