I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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