Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
