There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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