Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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