my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
