my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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