And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
