i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
