Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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