I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
