You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
