That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
