two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
