Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He has the fingertips of a God
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