you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
