I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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