How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
