and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
if only i could text you this smell
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
