my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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