Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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