you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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