I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
