Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
