Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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