Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
