Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
