Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
