got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
