Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How does one acquire holy water?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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