New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
