is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
