when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
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we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
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Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement