Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"