My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?