there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome