doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.