Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors

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  (513): I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors http://tfl.nu/2p2o
  Replies (25) Good night (2773) Bad night (811)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.

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  (775): they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it. http://tfl.nu/g3nc
  Replies (19) Good night (5956) Bad night (874)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.

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  (937): Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me. http://tfl.nu/l4zf
  Replies (4) Good night (5257) Bad night (934)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar

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  (513): Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar http://tfl.nu/rpu6
  Replies (7) Good night (3779) Bad night (921)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping

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  (845): Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping http://tfl.nu/4jdo
  Replies (12) Good night (786) Bad night (2508)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.

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  (617): im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone. http://tfl.nu/veb9
  Replies (5) Good night (2720) Bad night (1927)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.

  (1-471): View more from

  That's all you talk about when you are wasted.

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  (417): So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history. (1-471): That's all you talk about when you are wasted. http://tfl.nu/3q4b
  Replies (13) Good night (2676) Bad night (998)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized

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  (217): Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized http://tfl.nu/ymju
  Replies (7) Good night (1976) Bad night (827)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.

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  (601): Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog. http://tfl.nu/t7wp
  Replies (7) Good night (2440) Bad night (682)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!

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  (918): Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party! http://tfl.nu/yohs
  Replies (4) Good night (1834) Bad night (539)
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  (831): View more from California

  Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline

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  (831): Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline http://tfl.nu/8i35
  Replies (9) Good night (554) Bad night (1169)
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  (315): View more from New York

  She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder

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  (315): She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder http://tfl.nu/9h6z
  Replies (5) Good night (1125) Bad night (318)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Hydrate.

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  (703): I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding.... (202): Hydrate. http://tfl.nu/62ve
  Replies (5) Good night (1238) Bad night (438)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.

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  (270): Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer. http://tfl.nu/rbji
  Replies (0) Good night (900) Bad night (311)
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  (914): View more from New York

  She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.

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  (914): She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude. http://tfl.nu/hykh
  Replies (0) Good night (417) Bad night (355)

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