This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
