I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
