She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
