I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?