you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
