I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
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She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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