When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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