i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
