I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
