Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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