I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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