Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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